Today marks the yet another horrific day in the United States’ history of mass shootings, with 14 people dead and others injured in San Bernardino.

As I watched the breaking news this morning, the question that stood out was “Is this an act of terror?” When the question couldn’t be answered during a press conference, the next question was “were they wearing suicide vests?” Has this become the new definition of terrorism?

The definition of Domestic Terrorism in the US Code (as described on fbi.com) is:

“Domestic terrorism” means activities with the following three characteristics:

• Involve acts dangerous to human life that violate federal or state law;
• Appear intended (i) to intimidate or coerce a civilian population; (ii) to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion; or (iii) to affect the conduct of a government by mass destruction, assassination. or kidnapping; and
• Occur primarily within the territorial jurisdiction of the U.S.

Source: https://www.fbi.gov/about-us/investigate/terrorism/terrorism-definition

At this stage, it appears to not have been an act of terrorism, with some speculation that this might have involved a dispute by a person who had earlier attended the event at the conference centre. Who knows how this will play out, though.

But, it got me thinking.

A couple of days ago, three people were killed and nine wounded during a shooting at the Planned Parenthood clinic in Colorado Springs. As this tragedy unfolded, there were no questions regarding whether this was an act of terror.

However, if this was due to ideological disagreement with abortion, why has the term “terrorism” not been widely used? Is it because the accused looks like this?

Robert Lewis Dear, accused of killing and wounding a number of people in Colorado Springs. Pic: Colorado Springs Police

Do we have an unspoken propensity to only think or use the term “terrorism” in our culture at present where the accused has brown skin and shouts “Allahu Akbar”?

One thing I suffer from is rolling and regular mid-life crises. I often suspect that this is because I have never had one great skills beyond all others. I am OK at many things, and this is reflected in me learning something – tap dancing, sky diving, surfing – but never pursuing it until I am superbly proficient. Someone once commented to me that I am a “jack of all trades, master of none”. It was a passing observation and not intended to offend, but has nevertheless stuck with me. Mainly, because it’s true.

I’m going through an especially difficult period at the moment, where I am trying put my life and career in perspective. Should I be disappointed with the place I am in my life today? Have I failed by not developing and executing a plan for my life?

These questions – amongst others – have haunted me. But recently, my thoughts have turned to why I should feel anything negative about my middle-class working life with a good dose of charity work thrown in. Because what, really, is the definition of success.

My trusty Oxford Dictionary tells me that success covers one of:

1. The accomplishment of an aim or purpose,

2. The attainment of fame, wealth or social status,

3. A person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains fame, wealth.

Having never established a plan for my life – not in terms of where I would be in ten years time, how much money I would earn or whether I would be on the cover of magazines (airbrushed of course, and for good reasons rather than the attainment of notoriety), perhaps I have no right to analyse whether I am a “success”. Further, would a bloodbath up the corporate ladder really make me feel “successful”, given my moral compass is (annoyingly) set to relatively high?

In comparison to the where else I could be, is living a moderate, reasonably kind existence a success? I work, I recycle responsibly, I donate to various charities, I try to maintain awareness of current affairs and genuinely appreciate being born in a wonderful country that offers me the benefits of a stable, democratic western society. Is being a contributor to society in this sense a success in itself?

In terms of career, I have recently come to the conclusion that changing careers and not making my way to the top of any single corporate ladder is not a bad thing. Perhaps this is what makes me sane, and perhaps it what keeps all us “jack of all trades” happy. And, surely, happiness is part of success?

Is it a tugging kind of feeling in your uterus….

Today I caught up with a gorgeous friend of mine I haven’t seen in a long time. She, like another of my friends, has recently gone through a journey of discovery, and after years waiting for her husband to be a “doer” instead of a “talker”, realised that she was better off – and likely to be happier – on her own. Bravo, I say!

Anyway, as any healthy friendship goes, you end up talking about stuff that don’t really apply to you, because you are genuinely interested in your friend’s life, and that is how our chat turned to the fact that two girls she knows are undergoing IVF. Which lead us to pondering how we are the only species that completely refuses to accept that not having child may be our lot in life.

Which lead me to think about the fact that I don’t, in fact, have a human child. Which lead me to think about how my friend DID end up with a human child (and NO, NOT THAT QUESTION; I am PERFECTLY AWARE that a stalk brings you a child when you decide you want one… kidding).

Which lead me to NOT think before asking something that I’m pretty sure you won’t find an answer to on Google.

To be fair, I did precede my question by asking “can I ask a question”, which, if this happens to you, I highly recommend you respond in the negative. Because anyone asking “can I ask a question” knows it ABSOLVES them from your reaction to their question aka *shrug* “I asked…”.

Anyhow. Back to The Question. And to be clear, no, we had not thrown back a couple of gloriously warming reds before this discussion took place: “so, this maternal instinct thing. Is it a tugging of the heart, or like, some sort of tugging in your uterus/ cervix region….”.

Now, my friend is pretty game and after a pause, was quite OK to answer question, although the two conservative gents in swish suits at the table nearby may not have been, if their reaction out of the corner of my eye was anything to go by.

Alright, upon reflection, I guess she may have just been hiding her surprise very well, honed by years of raising two young humans, given her response was a rather feeble “a bit of both I guess”.

Me: briefly contemplating tugging in any region of my body including a discreet focus on the uterus/ certix region Nope, not me. Not a single tug anywhere. IT’S OK, I don’t feel the need to reproduce!

Well, we could both laugh, even if those gents were choking on their upmarket chipolatas.

Sometimes, I really, really can’t understand how hard a person’s heart can be.

How can you look at this:

especially the second image, and not have your heart jump just a little in your chest? How can your heart just not sink as the sadness that oozes from this forlorn figure? Forget everything else – that “fat shaming” is wrong or that the poor man was just out at a gig enjoying himself (good on him for getting out – I am currently sitting on my couch being a bit lazy and pathetic while this guy is out enjoying life).

What the hell is wrong with the person who captured this image that they looked at it more than once and FOUND IT FUNNY? They found the embarrassment and shame of a human being so funny that they could ADD it to the first photo?

Even now, I am avoiding looking at the image. It absolutely breaks my heart. It hits me HARD every time I glance at it.

How do we value these people in our society? I don’t care if they are young or old, whether they have suffered hardship in their life, their failure to experience a basic human emotion in the face of such vulnerability makes them less than worthless in my very angry and upset eyes.

Thankfully, it seems that more and more, social media is being used as a force for good.

If you haven’t read the story, Google “The Dancing Man”. Here’s one of many articles on the internet: http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-32873055. Watch as many reports as you can, it will make you smile and bring tears to your eyes. Watch this lovely gentleman, Sean O’Brien, being interviewed. Kind and genuine, he speaks with such wonder and positivity about how many nice people in the world there are.

It appears that a writer called Cassandra Fairbanks, along with a group of other women, hunted him down, and let me tell you, this is the inspiring Random Act of Kindness I have ever heard of.

This invitation (from this post) really choked me up:

You inspire me, and remind me that for every negative action, I have the power to be an equal and opposite reaction. What sweet justice your EPIC opposite reaction has been, and I hope the bullies are ashamed of themselves for the rest of their lives.

Sean O’Brien, I hope that you head out for a night of dancing every time you feel like a boogie, and that you do so knowing thousands of people are joyously dancing along in spirit.

Sooo.. how hilarious that I decided to start a blog, feeling very strongly that, as a highly-opinionated person, I was perfectly entitled to do so, and now I am sitting here with absolutely no idea what to write!

So. Instead of starting this blog with a BANG, it’s a rather awkward-silence type gentle fizzle.

On the other hand, I feel strangely satisfied that I am now one of the masses putting my thoughts out there on the World Wide Web. It’s already serving its purpose 🙂